I must admit that it is very liberating to be free from the Valentine’s Day pressures. As I converse with friends, both male and female, I realize how different of a conversation each has. Women are looking forward to it, excited, full of expectations and anticipation, hoping for some jewelry, flowers or other prized possessions. Bragging rights February15th is prime time. The feed back I’ve gotten is men resent the day (at least the ones willing to admit it) but feel it’s a guarantee for some body slapping later.
We have a construction company and I can tell you 100% of the men hate Valentine’s Day and wish it never existed. You want to hear some foul language and f bombs? Walk on a construction site and ask their opinions of Valentine’s Day. They only thing they’ll brag about is the sex perk that is a given apparently. One of our trade workers said ‘the message that is given to my wife if I don’t want to go guns a blazin on Valentine’s is I don’t love her.’ He said ‘how did this get so out of control?’ I wonder if men could come out and voice their opinion, consequence free, how many would be honest and say they don’t like or do like Valentine’s Day? Would be very enlightening I’m sure. I wonder how many women would be willing to drop v-day if their partner wanted too. I wonder how many other women have a perspective like mine?
I asked myself a long time ago if I would ever want someone to show me love because of a date on a calendar. I decided I didn’t want my love to be a burden or an expectation to perform, ever. Oh don’t give me that crap of if he loves you he won’t mind for one day bla bla bla. It’s far harder to live with me day to day AND love me each of those days, then to buy me roses and dinner on one day/night.
I am happy to say in this home we are free of all manipulation and commercialization leading up to, day of, and passing of Valentine’s Day. I have also released Einstein from the manipulation. I can not imagine being male and having to deal with Valentine’s Day. Typically the pressure is for men .. In my opinion. Hopefully Flyp feels the freedom to do what he wants to do, if anything, on Valentine’s Day in his future.
I just don’t buy into the whole Valentine’s Day pressure and commercialization crap. There isn’t one gift that can ‘prove’ to me that you love and respect me on this one day of the year. It’s not about me, it’s about us. 365 days a year. I don’t and won’t accept that pressure and would never expect anyone to have to deal with it either, for me.
When Einstein and I first staring dating many moons ago, it was engrained in him to over achieve one day a year. Valentine’s. Really, Valentine’s is weaved into our brain from pre-kindergarten onwards. Remember those stupid little cards? That’s the start to the conditioning. I was pressured into it so my kids wouldn’t be left out at school. The bullshit never ends. I won’t even get started on that rant. Thank me later.
Anyways, I caved into Einstein’s request with his expectations of how Valentine’s should be spent and we went for dinner at The Keg and a movie. Horrible horrible mistake. Keep in mind I’m an introvert and don’t like public gatherings. The worst dinning experience ever. Traumatizing. People everywhere. Service sucked. Despite the reservations Einstein made, we waited a very, very long time for our table, with a million other people. It then took a further hour for appetizers to even hit our table. Ugh, gives me a headache just thinking about it. Don’t get me wrong, super sweet that he went out of his way, had a thought process to make reservations on time, bought me a dozen red roses, an extravagant diamond bracelet (that I never wear – they don’t match my sweat pants) and he even thought to pick up the movie tickets earlier that day. It’s a chaotic disappointing experience. I asked him the next day if he had a good time. Of course he lied and said yes.
Approaching the next Valentine’s I told him I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t interested in it and didn’t want anything to do with Valentine’s Day. He hung on every word as I presented my case. Service sucks. Too many people. It’s an industry manipulation. Pressure. Big expense. I explained I’d rather get random flowers here and there. Random. Just because. Not because a date is set on a calendar and is commercialized that you must prove your love with gifts etc. He hurdled the fence and jumped on board. I’m sure if you ask Einstein he will tell you I’m the absolute best about that kind of stuff.
Ever since, we live pressure free on Valentine’s. I don’t ignore Valentine’s entirely. I’m not a total Scrooge. I will make a homemade chocolate cake in the shape of a heart, their favourite dinner (organic chicken Parmesan) and pick up an action movie. I say ‘their’ because we have Flyp and I love him too.
The best feeling is when I send Einstein and Flyp to get milk and a few grocery items and they come home with a small bouquet of flowers. They even go to Canadian Tire for guy stuff and come home with a movie for $6.99 that they think I’ll like. Make no mistake, that is real love wrapped up pretty in freedom of expression.
Show the love 24/7/365! Don’t make V-Day your D-Day.