Dear Alcan

Dear Alcan

I am, without a doubt, your biggest disgruntled fed up consumer of your Aluminum Foil Wrap product.

I’m sure I speak for the Nation when I request:

STOP GLUING THE SHIT OUT OF THE BEGINNING OF EVERY F’ING ALUMINUM FOIL ROLL!!!

How is this even necessary? The box in which the foil roll is contained is SEALED for crying out loud. The days of it rolling across a grocery stores’ floor is long gone.  History.  Move on. Why is any glue usage inside a sealed box necessary.  Fire, axe, trash that person who has deem these glue gobs essential for all aluminum foil rolls.  Dismiss the glue application dude before I take that dense hard paper roll inside the foil and beat the gluer all the way to the unemployment line.

We are all sorry for rolling your precious foil down grocery isles and pretending they are our magical silvery carpets as children.  We get it.  Put the glue gun away.

In case you are wondering, you’re too heavy on the application of glue for the end of the tin foil roll.  For the sake of tolerance I will allow the gluing of the roll at the end of usage, just lighten up.  Maybe 1 gob instead of 20..  Although there is a lot of foil wasted on that end also, if I do say so myself.

I’m sure you will agree that my request is an appropriate compensation for all my pain and suffering for decades.  Decades of fighting with glue gobs. I would appreciate at least one dozen, 250′ replacement rolls of UNGLUED aluminum foil to help recover the loss of the tin foil that has crumbled, got torn, ripped and knifed while trying to get unstuck from the glue all these years.  You know, the glue you insist on applying to a sealed product. I would also appreciate a Cruise to Alaska, easily paid for by the funds saved from the cease of glue applications, so I can gather my marbles that have been lost over the years all while dealing with your beginning glue gobs.  I need glue gob free sleep Alcan.

Please send all replacement rolls and trip itinery in priority mail next business day.

Thank you Alcan.

Sincerely

Anti-Glue Warrior

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2 thoughts on “Dear Alcan

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