A Personal Cleanse

There are times in our lives when we need to clean house, reorganize life’s closets, and take the trash to the curb. Personally.

We all have or have had vampires in our lives. People who suck the life out of us, leave us feeling drained after a visit. If I’m drained from laughter, shared tears and good times you’re a keeper and I’ll fight to keep you! If I’m drained from your toxic negative energy, judgment and hatred towards others, you need to go.

I have people in my life that bring a dark heavy cloud with each encounter and leave it hanging over me for days. When I dread the visit or have to convince myself to participate in ‘those’ relationships, why do I do it? I’m not sure why I ever get to the point of inviting and tolerating negativity into my life, but I seem to have it perhaps more often than others?. However, when I look back, I realize that people typically don’t present a negative persona when first building a new relationship, it’s all rainbows and butterflies.

We all go through hard times and struggle to find a positive buoy to stay afloat. This is what friends and family are for; To throw you a buoy, support you and help you get back on track. But that’s not the negativity I am referring too. I’m talking about detrimental hatred, judgement and self-promoted superiority over another culture, race and/or ethnicity, or of ones sexual preference, promotes racism and/or segregation. Those behaviours are hate crimes.  Punishable by law.

Friendships need to have a positive foundation with respect for each other. Also, I’m learning in life, complete opposite views on the religion aspect is very hard to maintain in a respectful manner. My cousin once told me that she can’t be friends with deeply religious people as the distance is too far for a connection. I told her I didn’t choose friends based on their lack of or their religious choices, that I don’t judge and I try to always see that person for who they are, not where or if they sit in church on Sunday. I am now seeing her perspective and can ‘hear’ what she was saying.

I’m not talking about Einstein, he would fall under a different category. Not that Einstein is exempt from my guidelines, ever, but it’s a different relationship with him in comparison to other family and friends who live externally to our home.

Through counselling a scaled ruler concept was introduced to me. A ruler was held in front of me. The concept explained and then we took some time to write on the ruler at key points what that relationship number best represented. It is my absolute best coping skill I’ve ever had and has given me an abundance of guidance for relationships. On a scale of 1-10, I position each person I have a relationship with on a personal level (we aren’t talker co-workers or that stuff), how close to my personal space they are, which ultimately influences how much they can and will affect me. Ten would mean you could crush and devastate me, zero means who are you again? Zero is a place where someone may visually exist within groups of friends or family, but they have no say in my life and I don’t converse with them or speak of them in any manner. Zero can also mean that person isn’t even a visual to me, which means they aren’t in my life on any aspect. Their attendance would exclude me. There is no sharing space. No exceptions. Their existence, for me, is nil. Someone at a level of 10 has my utmost respect and trust and I know I am 100% secure and safe with them. There aren’t 10’s in my life but I have 2 persons in the 8-9 range with the majority in my life being between 3-6, with some up and down from that of course. I also have the control to slide people up or down on the scale based on the relationship we have. It really has been instrumental in my capability to take good care of myself emotionally, something I wasn’t always good at.

We all use the ruler concept at some point in our lives, most just don’t call it a scale or ruler.  For instance, I don’t say you’re dead to me, I say you’re a zero.  I don’t say i trust you with my life, I say you’re a ten.  I don’t say I hate you and wish a garbage truck runs you over, I say you’re a zero.  I don’t say I love you more than life itself (really? Does that ever happen?) I say you’re a ten.

Lately I have fallen off the band wagon and gotten all wrapped up in bullshit, negativity, coupled with the overwhelming need to save the world from itself, at my own personal expense. After Flyp asked if I was ok one day, because ‘I’ve been extra quiet’ (which really translates to grumpy) and more anti-social than normal, it triggered me to take a look at what’s going on. Really? Have I gone down that path I work so hard to avoid? Time to take a look at what’s been going on lately. So I did.

After much journalizing and all my considerations in order, I have all my reorganizing sorted and implemented as of 3am this morning. Like Flyp said, I’ve been extra grumpy, dark and cloudy, everything has a problem and not being able to see a solution, has left me feeling like I’m fighting a fight, ultimately with myself. That’s not the most productive thing I’ve done in my life lately. I’ve stayed in some relationships much longer than I should of, I don’t always walk away that easily and usually like to feel I have given my all, but ultimately it was time to wrap it up and make a few adjustments.  I have to re-stand up for myself, stay focused, get back on track for being my best possible me.

Today, people have moved up, down and I have 1 that has been placed at zero.  Once all the decisions were made it all felt right. There isn’t any hellos or goodbyes, it just takes place. For me.

I wish for everyone an inner sanctuary; Where we can really love who we are and be our absolute best, free of anyone else’s dark clouds.

I have accomplished my personal cleanse and my closets are organized and cleaned.  It feels GREAT!!


4 thoughts on “A Personal Cleanse

  1. Sounds like great boundaries to me. I like the scale idea. People can move based on their behavior. Nothing is set in stone but it’s a fluid concept. Sure hope I’m never a zero to you:) Love you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cant ever see a zero ever in our lives! Soul Sisters remember!!

      I feel airy and energetic today…I went for a walk and acknowledged the sun and enjoyed the warmth through my clothes. I don’t even know if we had sun the last few days.
      I love my scale. Its helped me so much!

      As always, thanks for reading and supporting!


  2. Good for you. I hope you feel the benefit from your choices. I made a similar choice a couple of years ago and have found that only has my overall mood/stress improved but my actual life circumstances have gotten better. My technique is to weigh the impacts a person has on my life. If the negative outweigh the positives then I need to seriously reconsider that relationship. I also look at the contribution I make to the lives of those I have relationships with and am working towards making a more positive contribution there. I can’t expect people to contribute positive energy to my own life if I give nothing in return. This sometimes takes more effort because I have to over come personal issues, like social anxiety etc but I keep working at it because I have designated these people as worth the effort. I also find the more I improve the quality of my own life the more I have to give to those I care about because I am not using up emotional energy just getting through these unhealthy relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly! the unhealthy is draining and exhausting. I too, also find I take the energy I would use in a healthy relationship and use it to keep the negative ones going. I’m not sure why I don’t notice until I’m empty, miserable and hard to live with, but it seems to happen more than once. That’s my homework to figure it out, not anyone else’s. I am thankful for my good relationships and always need to treat those with the respect and honour they deserve. What I do notice is the healthy relationships flow much easier, which makes sense I guess.

      Thank you for commenting and supporting. I’m glad to see you also use the same process – more or less – with the same self expectations and goals. Makes me feel a weeeee bit more normal 🙂


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