Fat, Sick & Feeling Dead

Things always change over time. They often change so slowly we don’t take notice. Weight creeps on, pain becomes a constant, regular almost daily headaches become the norm, moods changes to reflect these changes, all these chronic illnesses get multiplied and before you know it you have altered your life to live with these self inflicted ailments instead of doing what it takes to conquer them, or at the very least be in a position to put them out of the drivers seat.

I’m big on accountability. Sometimes it takes me a while to realize it and accept it, but when I do there isn’t any stopping me. I may get the ‘program’ wrong a few times before I get it right, but I will get it right eventually.

Currently, I go weekly to acupuncture to deal with pain and a whole slew of health issues. He is a kind person and is always trying to help and see what herb I can take to help all these things. It’s hard to focus on one health ailment at a time when I feel I have a 100 going on.

My current list of KNOWN medical issues
(does not include ones like always being hot, my ying or yang is wonky, but we’re working on that with herbs)

– Fibromyalgia
– Osteoarthritis
– Sinusitis
– DDD, deteriorating disc disease
– Esophageal hernia (requires daily meds to keep heartburn down, pill neutralizes stomach gut, which also essentially deprives me of absorbing nutrients but the consequence of regular heart burn is esophageal cancer, throat cancer a few more. Pill please.)
– Pre-Diabetic, Type 2 (most recent)

Hearing pre-diabetes from my doctor shook my whole foundation. After I left the doctors office I felt like I had been hung upside down and beaten with a baseball bat for hours on end. It just consumed every thought in my head and I swear all I could hear was alarm bells going off in my head, walls were swelling closed, my breathing was short, I honestly don’t recall the walk to my car. If I’m truly honest here, I wanted to deny it, pretend I didn’t hear what he said, assume it would fix itself and continue living as I have been, all because it is what I know and I’m accustomed too. It took a lot of self discipline to look that diagnosis in the face and willingly take it on.

I consider myself a healthier than most eater.  However, I definitely have packed on extra weight over the years. Fibromyalgia and ridiculous back pain has slowed me down over the years but it’s a vicious circle. Extra weight means more pain, more pain means less exercise. I’m not stagnant by any means, I’m just not running laps around my 23 acres. I still walk the dogs, jog up stairs, park at the back of parking lots to make sure I get those few extra steps in each time. When I go to the food bank, weather permitting, I purposely park a 10 minute walk away. I feel like I am forever on the move.

I’m obviously not moving enough. I don’t picture a healthy active person in 10 years and I can’t let that happen. I most obviously am not in control of my health, which translates to complete laziness and I’m the only one who can fix this. To sum it up, I absolutely know better!

My acupuncturist/Chinese medicine practitioner suggested that I research juicing and we can talk about it when I have looked it up. He appreciates the fact that I don’t just do it because someone says hey do this, I do my own research and make my own decisions and I am not easily persuaded by any one person. I don’t take any medication regularly for pain or any of the above issues, except the one listed. I’m pretty good at tolerating pain, but some days Advil is a necessity.

On Monday after Easter I bought a juicer and hit the grocery store. I researched some juicing recipes prior and after trying an assortment I realized most of the ingredients I bought, like fennel for instance, are completely unnecessary and I’m good with the simple ingredients, keep it basic juicing. Beets make my juice tastes like a desert storm hit my cup and it ruins every juice recipe I make with them. Beets are out! Fennel is out! Weird stuff is gone. I know a lot of people holy grail beets, but I know if I continue with beets the juicing method will fail quickly. On a positive note, I can’t seem to get enough spinach in my juice. I’m a little worried I’ll look like the Grinch in no time. It’s delicious!

I’ve been juicing breakfast and lunch and eating a balanced dinner. A balanced dinner for me means to cut out completely pasta, bread, potatoes, rice etc. As soon as I eat carbs my blood sugar is through the roof and it takes me days to get it back under control. It doesn’t matter that I make my own pasta from scratch and use only organic ingredeints, it doesn’t matter that I love rice more than any other carb and that it is organic and gluten free. Blood glucose just doesn’t give a crap about all that. Carbs are carbs. End of story.

Understanding diabetes was very intense and complicated. I didn’t want to listen to my doctor about how it worked, I wanted to figure it out on my own. What I can gather with my online research and charting my testing, is each person has a unique relationship with diabetes and understanding our reactions to certain foods, and how long it takes to recover etc., is independent from another case. Regardless of it being unique to each person, the consequences of diabetes manifest in the same way. No thanks! I want out!!!

When I got told of my pre-diabetes immediate changes took place. No pop (maybe 1 can of gingersl a week if that prior to diagnosis), no candy (very hard to say goodbye) glucose and fructose are gone, no pasta, potatoes, rice or bread. I reside with Italians in this house, and the lack of pasta at the dinner table lately has lead to some sort of depression in Einstein and Flyp. LOL

I have lost some weight pretty quick with those few small changes, not much, but an easy 10lbs came off. Then the weight loss stopped, just like that. I needed to make more changes.

I tried Paleo, meat and vegetables with minimal fruit. I’m just not a big meat eater and it bothers me health wise and environmentally to consume meat every day. Even though the meat and eggs in our home are all bought organically and locally, I still am not interested in a daily consumption of meat. If it wasn’t for my roommates over here I could easily be a vegetarian with some delish fish occasionally. The one positive thing about eating paleo is the meat proteins keep me full. When I eat veggies only I seem to be endless in hunger. Einstein and Flyp are meat-a-tarians, especially Flyp. He will often eat just the meat portion of dinner and the fruit that is out for dessert. Anyways, finding a balance between feeding these guys and my preferences can and is very challenging.

Last night, with the recommendation of a friend, I watched ‘Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead’. It was great, enlightening and in fact, Einstein watched the whole documentary as well. That says a lot, because he is not a documentary type person unless someone is waving guns around and shooting with explosions going on. He’s classy what can I say. However, we both were in awe of the results in the end.

A light bulb went off; I’m juicing all wrong for the results I’m looking for!!!

Tomorrow is day #1 of juicing.

I will actually juice all day today, but I had a farewell latte for breakfast this morning. Technically I can’t call that a true day of juicing with milk and espresso for breakfast.

I’m starting with a 10 day commitment. I know in 10 days I’ll continue, but for my success rate to be guaranteed 100%, I’m committed to 10 days of pure juicing. No food on a plate. I’m expecting headaches, hunger, cravings and maybe even some moodiness, but that’s ok, I’m good at dealing with all that anyways.

I will be going to the lake (5 minute) drive away for a daily walk at least once a day, except Friday’s, I work at the food bank on Fridays and get a good work out there. This time of year it’s so mucky and intolerable on our property you can’t go for a walk without being angry that you’ve sunk in mud up to your knees and you need to be pulled out. We also have angry dogs at the end of our road so I can safely assume they aren’t outdoors and go for a nice long walk from my front door …. The lake it is.

I don’t have a weight scale. I have a daughter and made a commitment as a parent to never own a scale in my home while she was growing up. This has carried on after she has moved out, perhaps at my own expense as the weight has been a yearly impact. 2 -10 lbs a year in weight increase definitely adds up over the years.

I still remember gaining 2lbs at a physical and the doctor asked what’s going on with the weight increase. I said are you kidding? It’s 2 friggin pounds. Immediately I wondered if he wanted to be an organ donor or not.  He said this year it is 2 pounds, next year statistically it will be double and so on. He said 10 years can easily amount to 50-75lbs. I thought he was a complete asshole and totally blew 2lbs out of the water with over reacting. Well…twelve years later and here’s your ‘You were right’ award Dr. G. Would you like that framed?

Without a scale, I won’t have a progress on weight loss, or a total weight loss. I won’t have a starting point except for my last physical exam over a year ago. It’s not about a particular number on a scale for me; It’s about health and with that most obviously weight loss will happen.

But. Maybe to keep track of progress I should have a scale. Maybe a scale will help me stay accountable and keep me goal oriented. Every little bit helps right? I have to grocery shop for juicing after my shift at the food bank today, I’m thinking as I type, a scale should be added to the list.

Breakfast – Juicing
Lunch – Juicing
Dinner – Juicing

Juice ingredients. Spinach, Romain lettuce, cucumber, celery, green apple, tomatoes, pineapple, lime, lemon, carrots.
Not all in one – different combos of above.

Better health is on the horizon and it’s mine for the taking. Let’s see how much I want it!! Proof is in the pudding. Mmmmm yum pudding. 😳


2 thoughts on “Fat, Sick & Feeling Dead

  1. I had the same questions around scale or no scale when I started focusing on my health and I found I really like it. I weigh in once a week and I feel like it helps me see if what I am doing is working and to catch myself quickly if things aren’t working. I figure I am an adult with a healthy understanding of potential downfalls of focusing too much on my weight, not an impressionable young girl. The reality is that weight is a large part of the issue so you need to be able to track that. Good luck with the juicing! Just keep trying till you find what works for you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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