What is wrong with the friggin world?! Didn’t they get the memo about me juicing and they should take all their drive thrus, fast food joints and pizza bars to the next city over?
I had an errand to run in a different city from where I normally grocery shop, but needed produce anyways for this dumb juicing idea I had. Getting through the grocery store with my few items for Flyp and Einsteins lunches for the week, and only my juicing items was a strenuous, bullet to my head, CHORE.
All the bakery items look so good. An employee was rolling out a new batch of warm croissants to put out and as she walked past me, I stood still (creepy to others I’m sure) and turned to suck in all of the (fake) buttery scent I could. It smells so good. I took my depressed hungry ass past the rotisserie chicken (even though it’s gross and I never eat it from there. Ever!) my mouth is watering, I can smell the plump juicy meat and know it would satisfy me better than sex right now. Sorry Einstein, unless you taste and smell like chicken and croissants you just can’t compete today.
Around the corner of the next isle, the lady is handing out samples of a new cheese (meh, I don’t care too much for cheese) but the fresh baguette she was putting it on is a different story. I had visions of beating her with the dozen baguette sticks she had there and smashing the cheese in her face and while I was walking away satisfied, I’d whisper ‘juice that bitch.’ Me and hungry don’t get along, can you tell? The worst part is I know it all tastes so delicious. It was time to hurry up and get the hell out of the store.
Man I’m T.H.E. champion. I manage to leave with my juicing commitment in tack and no one hurt. Pretty sure that’s my biggest accomplishment to date.
As I’m pushing my cart out the door to the parking lot with $90 worth of produce for a few days of juicing I look forward. (Keep in mind I always park in the back to get those extra steps in). Crack cocaine is cheaper than juicing. What the F is wrong with this world? Seriously, I shit you not! I could be a drug addict for cheaper. Anyways, back to my cart pushing …. This is what I see. Choices. I see choices of what to cheat with.
– Baskin Robbins
– Swiss Chalet
– Tim Hortons (I don’t do Tims so that doesn’t phase me)
– The Keg
– Some smoke house advertising cheap crispy luscious sauce lathered wings and ribs.
All while I’m pushing a cart full of plants and freaking starving. Can I just tell you how gooooood a smoke house smells? Omg. I checked for a pulse, this atheist thought she had died and went to heaven.
I cheated. Although I only slightly cheated, I still did cheat. I ripped 2 celery arms off and chewed on them like a cowboy chewing on tobacco. I drove out of the massive big block mall parking lot like I just lit all the restaurants on fire to burn to the ground. Right to the ground!! After I was driving like I was on a mission for the CIA, I couldn’t figure out what the Bing Bing Bing annoying noise was. Oh crap! I forgot to put my seatbelt on. I was so focused on not eating anything in sight and chomping on my dirty celery, that I didn’t hear my reminder Bing for my seatbelt and didn’t notice it for some time. That’s an act of desperation if I ever saw one.
I must be feeling better because I am starving!!!! Being light headed seems to be an issue also with juicing. I am also yawning a lot. I never noticed if I yawned before, but today I noticed I yawn a lot. I was in a meeting and kept yawning…very unlike me.
I ordered a new scale from Amazon.ca. If it doesn’t tell me what I want, someone is going to experienced being beaten with a brick of cheese while I eat the baguettes.