Holy Sh*t, It Smells Like Sh*t

On a warm spring day, instinctively we like to open the windows and let the fresh air rinse out our homes from the long cold winter. The birds are chirping, amphibians are croaking, nature fills our homes with the beautiful sounds of spring, along with the lovely scent of SHIT!!! That’s right; Shit is everywhere!! Ahhh the joys of living in the country.

For the city or suburban folk, spring represents fresh air, open windows with curtains fluffing in the warm breeze, daffodils and tulips in bloom and the walking/biking paths free of snow banks and ice, a friendly wave to a neighbour you haven’t seen since the first frost last fall and the needle on the thermometer is up in the double digits. Rain is a welcomed precipitation as it is nourishment for our blooms and blossoms to be and we know spring is a time when babies of most species are born. Spring always feels bright, warm and bountiful after a long deep freeze in our Canadian winters. Everyone seems to be energized by the warmer temperatures after their deepened winter sleep with much anticipation for the summer ahead, at least until the unbearable humidity and the heat slaps us around by mid July until early September.

It seems like spring is upon us for only one day and suddenrly the streets are full of people out getting exercise, older folks enjoying a tea on their front porch, children riding bikes and homeowners raking up the rest of last falls leaf deposits from their freshly greening perfect weed free square lawns. Let the competition begin. (Who has the greener lawn).

For us country folk, it’s a season of shit, pesticides and herbicides, road kill, tractors causing slow downs on thorough roads and lots of babies being born everywhere. We live in the country, fairly remote actually, and we are surrounded by farm fields everywhere. Spring is a time when farmers flip the dirt in their fields with monster computerized machines preparing the soil for the upcoming planting season, usually just a few days away. The terrible part of this field preparation is the shit spraying. Literally spraying. Stinky gut gagging shit is spewing out of a machine in every direction all over the fields.

The odour is heavy and thick and some days you are willing to testify under oath that you are actually tasting it and not just smelling it. The worst experience to date for me was being stuck behind a shit spreader on one of our main roads with no passing ability. It was so bad, I started gagging and had to pull over to throw up. Obviously that pile of shit had been fermenting in a shit pit (literally a shit pit is what is used on farms) all winter into the perfect recipe to be spread on the fields. In order to stop the contents from my stomach from leaving all over the side of the road, I had to turn around and go a different way.

I often ask friends once I hit the city if I smell like cow or chicken shit. How can I not? I envision shit fibres weaving into my clothing fibres and I become paranoid and think everyone is checking the bottom of their shoes to see who stepped in crap.  Don’t be alarmed folks it’s just me, passing the shit fields on my way to civilization. Seriously, it’s so thick in my sinuses it’s amazing to me that no one else can smell my neighbourhood off of me! I’d love to hang some laundry outside, like our bed sheets, to dry, but it would be like snuggling up to a cows asshole. No thank you!!

All around our home, I’m fortunate to watch our hibernators wake from their long winter sleep and I get to watch many different species of babies grow up. I feel like I know all the birds, deer, horses, cows, goats, alpacas and llamas as I’ve watch them grow up over the seasons. I am very fortunate to experience all of this and if it means I have to smell shit for a few weeks of each spring to enjoy all of natures wealth, then I can suck it up again, for another season.

Spring is definitely here and holy shit, it smells like shit!!!

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