Monthly Archives: June 2015

Hot For Your Tamales!!

Oh sometimes Einstein cracks me up. His sense of humour is challenging on the best of days, but sometimes he can make me giggle a little bit.

His humour is off the wall. Like I seriously think something is wrong with him most days. Too many glue sniffing challenges as a teenager? Too many wooden spoons to the head by his mother as a child? What makes someone so out there with humour that it actually has the ability to annoy me. That’s the absolute furthest from funny you can get.  That’s my Einstein.

He’ll say something to Flyp and it literally stops me in my tracks because it’s so out there, I’ll try to process it and search far and wide for a tinge of funny in it, yet both Flyp and Einstein are falling over laughing. It’s just not funny. No. But to them it’s hilarious and they’re hysterical with laughter and zing-backs to keep it a long lived joke going and going.  This happens daily with these two. I’m pretty sure they are the only two who can relate and be amused at this style of humour.

This might be over sharing but here goes anyways. Einstein and I have been together for approx. 18 years.  i can honestly say it has never been about how he makes me laugh or how we lay around and laugh at the same movies or tv shows.  We are complete opposites in that department.  His sense humour has never been on the ‘pros’ side of the chart for me.  Einstein does get bonus points for keeping the teenager laughing though.  I know I couldn’t keep the humour flowing because that is way too complex for me … Or so I’ve been told. 😳

Last night we were laying in bed watching Nurse Jackie. (Haven’t seen it? Get on it!) Einstein was rubbing my hips (oh the pain) but then it was my turn to rub his legs; They always bug him. So off the wall I said “its a good thing I still lust for you” as I put more lavender on his legs.

He responds with a cheeky ‘oh Ya? Why’s that?”

So then I went into all the reasons why he’s a pain in my ass and frustrates me daily and his family drives me around the bend, all told with my sarcastic but exaggerated factual tone etc,. He just nods. He knows the truth is in there. Then he flips me over and says ‘well it’s a good thing I’m still hot for your tamales.’

Well I just busted a gut. That just cracked me right up!! A laugh I definitely needed and a rare gift from his humour that’s for sure.

Bam!! Gift #2!!

Today we were talking about some grading that needs to get done here at home – as we are under water from this rainfall today. To boot, the worst of it is yet to hit the ground. Anyways. We have a lot of mosquitos. I mean a lot. Insane amount. There are so many you can become some crazed freak when they zip around your ears and buzz loudly like they are the size of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. We are 23 acres here with approx. 20-21 acres of it being all trees and bush. The acreage is a registered marshland and can I just tell you what that means for mosquitos?! It’s a 5 star rated resort for the biting pests, that’s what it is.

So Einstein said he needs to put in weeping tile and get it all drained to the ditch at the end. He follows that with “I’ll need to put on my snowmobile suit to deal with the mis-cots” (what he calls mosquitos). Again, the visual had me giggling because there are some things a grown man with a bit of a belly shouldn’t wear and that is a one peace snow suit. Never. Ever. And to wear it in the heat of the summer in defence from our crazy mosquito population is just too much of a visual without letting out a laugh.

Well done Einstein. Two laughs in 24 hours from your whacked out humour. It’s more than the total in 2014!!

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The Skinny on Diabetes

Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune disorder, meaning that the body’s immune system attacks its own pancreas affecting its ability to produce insulin; this usually happens at a young age.  In this case scenario, insulin has to come into your body from outside a good example of which is an insulin pump.  FYI not all autoimmune disorders happen at a young age.

Type 2 diabetes is a different ball game.  Contrary to the popular belief, increased sugar consumption doesn’t cause type 2 diabetes.

Just because type 2 diabetes is linked to high levels of blood sugar, it may seem logical to assume that eating too much sugar is the cause of diabetes.  However, it’s not that simple.  High-sugar diet can increase the risk of developing diabetes but doesn’t directly cause it.  There is no proven link between the two.   By analogy, driving on the road can increase your risk for…

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**CAUTION** Extreme Cuteness Inside This Blog

Well, today finally arrived and I picked up my day old ducklings. We opened the box at the feed store because the manager and I couldn’t wait to see the little fuzzy ducklings. OMG! Sooooo cute.

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I read that they get to know your voice very quickly so I talked to them all the way home. I’m not even sure what I rambled on about but it was the whole 30 minute drive home.

When we got home I took them to their indoor temporary home; the bathroom on the upper level that we don’t use (too many for me to keep on top of). I took them out of the box and put them under the heat lamp and counted. 1, 2, 3 ……… Again an extra duckling, just like an extra chick in my order. Eleven ducklings. I ordered ten. I guess they don’t have much faith in my capabilities as a flock mommy. Challenge accepted!!

I did enquire about these extra birds, just out of curiosity. They said its standard to put an extra in with young orders as it is ‘common’ to loose a bird because shipping and the transition is a lot for them. I can see that whole stress causing death issue and I think I appreciate the extra buffer… Especially when I don’t lose any to stress and relocation and its a free flock member.

Unfortunately, I do have a little sweet duckling that is weaker than the rest but I’m hoping he can pull through. I make sure he gets to the food and the water and gets his opportunity at life just like all the others. I’m definitely hoping he gets his strength up and can hold is own.

When I got them all sorted and unpacked I gave them a big bowl of water to clean their nostrils and have a drink. It took about 3 seconds for bath time to take place. They are so young, they wobble and weeble and sometimes they fall down but give them water and its a party!!! These little dudes are M E S S Y!!

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Here’s the link to a video of their first bath:      https://youtu.be/pPmtTMbr7jA  (just ignore Flyp & Einteins convo in the back ground – I don’t know how to edit it out.)  and if you listen to the conversation towards the end of Einsteins questions, you’ll understand why I am in charge of the flock and also wonder wHy I call him Einstein.

A Cow In The Flock?

Sometimes I amaze myself at the lack of ah ha moments and also the abundance of ah ha moments.

I’ve been reading about raising cattle. Not big ones, but maybe Dexters or Mini Galloways for our own personal benefit. Cattle added to my backyard flock won’t happen this year but maybe next year, and more likely the year after.

A barn needs to be built. Not a big barn, but a barn that can handle 2-4 cows and some other animals. And everyone needs a donkey 😁

Our biggest hurdle will be grass. We are all trees with thick lush loom. There isn’t much grazing grass so I’d have to figure something out. This will take me a bit because cutting down trees that are huge and beautiful will be an issue for me.

I’ve been very hesitant because as a household we don’t consume a lot of milk. I gave up milk about 2 months ago. Flyp doesn’t drink milk and Einstein has 2 -3 shots a day in his Americano’s each morning. I obviously bake with it, but I am looking into coconut milk for baking. I’m not a major anti-milk or protesting the consumption at your local grocery store, I gave it up for inflammation reasons, with a tinge of I know the process is very very wrong. When I really think about it, drinking another animals milk disturbs me more than I care to admit. I love milk, but I hate the factory process and inflammation even more. It’s not to say I don’t have cheese here and there, like feta on salads etc., but the drinking glasses of milk days are gone.

Here is my lack of ah ha, and ah ha:  So I was wondering what I would do with any milk production that might happen with cows; Thinking like I’m a true factory farmer, I didn’t click in right away. Firstly, milk is only produced for when babies are born. Calves should be consuming that milk. On a factory dairy farm or any dairy farm calves are removed from their mother and given a milk alternative and cattle blood to replace the mothers milk, so all the milk produced for her calf can be sold for human consumption. If the calf is real lucky it is chained and restricted and prepped for the veal industry. Technically there wouldn’t be any milk for ‘human consumption’ in our backyard because I would most obviously leave a baby with its mom.

That problem solved!

Cost. It’s not cheap to raise cattle. But it’s not cheap to buy grass fed happy cows either. For the price of 2 steaks at whole foods, I’ve basically bought myself a calf at an auction. So many people want to make the right choice and do the right thing, but the costs aren’t attainable for most. Well they could be, but most don’t put food quality as a priority, it’s more about the car, home, closet etc., or their income just can’t support a healthier choice. It’s also being treated as a ‘trend’ in my opinion, so they are over charging for it when really it should be a lifestyle change and the costs should be lowered. Oh well, I can’t fix the world today.

So I was thinking of raising 2 cattle and selling 1 as processed grass fed beef. I’m thinking with the selling of 1 of them it would help to pay for the one we keep. Win win right?

I still have a lot of number crunching to do, even more homework and ultimately figure out this whole addition of cattle and how I can make it work.

Flock update:
Did I mention the ducklings are arriving soon? Of course I did. 2 sleeps!! 10 ducklings soon to be added to the backyard flock; 6 Muscovy and 4 Pekin. September I have 5 pullets and 1 cockerel, Barred Plymouth Rocks arriving @ 6 weeks old.

Shakin’ Tail Feathers, Queen & A Few Names

Ok, so I finally actually KNOW what it means to shake your tail feathers, visually. Growing up I heard that expression much more often than today, but I never really saw a tail feather in action before.

My older girls (9 week olds) give a good booty shake and it cracks me up. It really is shaking their tail feathers! So now that I’m 45 I can say ahhh I get it!!

Sometimes I’m a bit slow, even stalled to ‘get it’ on certain things. I was in my mid 30’s when my teenage daughter pointed out the relationship between the group ‘Queens’ name and ‘Freddy Mercury’. What an Ahhhh HA! Moment that was. LOL! I can’t believe I’m admitting that in writing.

So, I’ve got a few names going on in the flock. I know I know, don’t name your children if you plan to roast them for dinner. I can’t help it, some have these personalities that demand a label.

As you know we have The Fonze, Fonzie my little rooster dude.
Miss Molly is a Plymouth Rock and she has been diagnosed by the flock doctor (me) with ADD with a tinge of extra ADD. She is the smallest of the Plymouth Rocks (older ladies) and is surprisingly the bossiest to the younger gang.

We have the mother hen of the plymouth rocks – she is clearly the ruler of the group. I call her Laverne. Her side kick is called Shirley.

Then we have the smallest of the younger group and I call her Chicken Little. She looks like a ragged mess all the time. Feathers everywhere, often on her own and left out and just a typical runt.

The latest name acquired by the flock, is Dash, inspired by the movie The Incredibles. This girl is from the younger group also, and she literally runs all day. Most of them walk here and there and some times may run, but this one…she dashes everywhere and I can honestly say I haven’t seen her walk yet.

Summary: I have 6 chickens named. 11 unnamed.

Tuesday the day old ducklings arrive. Ten of them!! Excuse me while I do a few twists and giddy laughs and jumps for hooray!! I can’t wait for these little ones to get here. Longest weekend ever ahead of me. I will have 10 more flock members to find names for. September I also have 5 Plymouth Rock pullets (females) arriving and 1 Plymouth Rock cockerel (rooster) arriving and they will be 6 weeks old in September.

Reminds me of a tv show I used to watch. Full House.

Some People Bring Home The Bacon, I Bring Home The Crickets.

I had to leave the gang in the pen today because I was off and out the door by 7am this morning, thunderstorms were in the forecast and I wasn’t sure how long I’d be.  They weren’t very happy when the pen wasn’t opened for them. I turned to look at them as I walked back to the house and they all lined up, like ducks in a row, at the pen door. Seventeen disgruntled chickens staring at me. I felt oddly eerie…like I had a target on my back.

I read somewhere that chickens love crickets and also love chasing them, or is it, we humans love to watch chickens chase crickets?  I decided to stop on my way home and pick them up some delish crickets. When I arrived home, I got myself sorted and the dogs fed while the chickens were in the pen still, then put on my home attire on. (I dress like a tragedy at home – no need to be neat and tidy @ home) 😀

When we built the coop we were smart enough to make the coop door open outwards. However, we missed the cue on the pen door. It’s very hard to not squash chicken toes when there are 17 of them all wanting out and I need to open the door inwards. Anyways, I managed to get the door opened and everyone flew around for a few minutes, chirped and clucked and started their foraging rituals.

Then I bent down. In chicken sign language that means Flock Master has treats!!! The young ones aren’t as social yet .. They’re definitely taking their time, not like my plymouth rocks. I can’t walk down the deck without the plymouth rocks dashing over to me, treats or no treats.

Anyways, this is the first time I’ve brought home crickets. I don’t actually see any crickets at home, although I hear them, but I have an amphibian paradise over here so I’m sure the crickets are all spoken for.

I took the lid off and well, let’s just say I have the happiest girls on the block today!!! Miss Molly and her severe ADD got distracted after the first cricket or so. She left chasing after a butterfly and didn’t make it back to share the wealth. Haha! She’s absolutely adorable and hilarious!

As I was watching them gobble up the crickets I remembered back to a movie and thought to myself, I would hate for crickets to be my dinner or die.  Ugly choice to make.  I can’t help it, it’s where my brain goes.

When I tell Flyp how adorbs Miss Molly is and her silly stories of the day, he responds with a cheeky comment like, ‘but how good does adorbs taste mom?’  He always tries to get my goat.  One day I’ll have one or two here … Goats that is.

Video of the older girls enjoying their cricket buffet. https://youtu.be/27JtugC0xxc

Keep in mind I am by no means a professional film maker or photographer.

Roar!!

I wake at 6 to my alarm clock blaring ‘Roar’ by Katy Perry.

🎵 I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Louder, louder than a lion
‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me roar
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
You’re gonna hear me roar 🎵

That’s how I choose to start my day; Roar!!! Haha! And some people innocently wonder why I’m crazy.

I don’t crawl out of bed until 6:30. As I put on my shoes and still wiping sleep from my eyes, I walk drunkenly to the coop and manage to open the door and say ‘good morning sexy ladies’ and walk back to the house hoping (not praying) the caffeine in my tea doesn’t let me down this morning.

I give my dogs a hug and send them on their way for their morning pee. I put the kettle on and watch the dogs do their business and I make sure they climb back up the deck to the back door and they lay down to watch and listen.

I test my blood sugar. Moan and groan and remind myself to call a clinic Monday. I mentally schedule a long walk after dinner at the lake. Blood sugar yesterday 6.9 (124), blood sugar today 6.3 (114).

The kettle whistle blows (extremely annoying first thing in the morning, but after almost burning the house down with a whistle-less kettle, whistles are now mandatory) and I pour my boiling water over my tea bag. I grab my cup, add some honey and sit in front of my iPad at the kitchen table, looking out over a portion of the backyard. I do a head count on free ranging chickens. Yup all is good.

In my head I’m already scheduling out my day in sync with my first sip of tea. Today I must cut the grass, weed the veggie garden (have to stay on top of it or it gets out of control fast!) and weed a small garden at bottom of deck. I found some good quality herbs (finally) so I need to also get those planted today Along with a few flowers that are left over and need to get planted as well.

I’ll toss the litter in the coop, add some more flax bedding, refresh water supply, feed them all, check all the babies and make sure everyone is doing fine.  I’ll let the babies out to free range today when it gets just a little bit warmer.  I’ll mix up some vegetable and fruit in suet boxes and hang in the outdoor pen for chickens to peck at today. I’ll defrost some organic peas for their afternoon treat with organic oats. They love both!! But nothing comes close to the obsession with meal worms.

I need to work on the storage shed – the one I’m turning into a duck coop. I decided chickens and ducks together is a bacterial disaster waiting to happen. Chickens need low humidity and ducks are wet and messy. Coop Clash. I have to put up wire in the storage shed to make sure it is sealed and secure and start on nesting boxes. Doubt I’ll get this far in my day, but whatever is left over on the to-do list will be carried to next weekend.

I decide on ribs, grilled veggies and salad for dinner. I hit the freezer for the ribs and pull the dogs dinner out; full bodied chicken carcass and a block of organ meats for their dinner. (Disgusting I know!!)

I’m listening to Miss Molly call her flock again, she’s only been lost half a dozen times in the last 20 minutes.

The hummingbirds just came to the window. I believe that is code for fill up my feeders!!! I have 4 feeders this year and 6 hummingbirds. They’re pretty territorial and I’ve seen some good swoops in their battles for the full feeders. Oh there gores Miss Molly again. Lost.

I texted Flyp, and told him to be good today and work hard. I’m pretty sure he rolled his eyes as he read it, but the day I don’t text he’ll wonder what’s wrong. Today he’s a brick layer!! (Well a helper) I’m sure he’s super happy!! He loves working with his hands and masonry work is right up his alley. Masonry is one term of his co-op. Framing is his second term.

I remind myself that I’m out for dinner with friends tomorrow and have to get my new outfit washed and hung to dry! Oh Ya, I need to put out the clothes dryer outside today too. Ugh!! The list is growing and growing.

I’m not hungry, but I know my blood sugar won’t be happy if I don’t eat. I’ll grab a banana on my way outdoors and the ‘meal’ can wait till I’m good and hungry. A few hours outside and a BLT will be a welcome brunch!!!

I run downstairs after my tea is done and have a peek in at my work desk. My shoulders slump and I sigh. I put a load of laundry on, while wondering if the papers will ever end. I’m a wee bit thankful that the week is full of rain so I’ll be stuck in the house and can get caught up on work.

I head back upstairs to dust and vacuum the main floor and tidy the bathroom with a quick wipe of faucets, sink and counter. Check the toilet to see if any elephant trunks went wild this morning … Give the toilet rim a quick wipe and tell myself one day I’ll put an electric toilet rim rebound of sorts and if they miss they’ll get a slap in the nuts. Not sure how it would all work, but maybe I should figure it out and patent it. I’ll be rich!!  Look out Dragon Den, here I come!

A quick dusting will have to do today, I have a lot to do outdoors. I’ll make a hot bucket of water with vinegar and tea tree oil and wash the floors at the end of the day, when I’m done with my in and out all day.

I’m heading outside to start my busy day. It’s sunny, but a cool breezy day. This is good, it helps to keeps the mosquitos down and keeps me cool while working. A good dose of clove oil all over me and I’ll be bug free despite our massive load of mosquitos and biting bugs!!

I wish everyone a happy Saturday and I hope you spend it your way!

Did I mention the ducklings are coming??? Of course I did. Can’t wait to blog about this addition to my flock.

Since I am late posting this I thought I would post some pictures of my helpers during the day.

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Always help right at your feet!! Any bugs are taken care of!! Such sweet girls!!

P.S. –> we have a large load of mosquitos here – we are a registered marshland. Our summers have been ruined previous years by biting bugs and no matter what toxic or natural products I put on, we’d all be covered in bites. I found this site and decided to just try clove since it has 100% repellency when used in straight form. Our location can honestly be a test site for repellency – it’s unbearable. Clove has changed my life in the summer. I can go outside in a t-shirt with clove on and I am not eaten alive and not even really bothered with any around me. I just shake into my palm and apply full strength. It can burn a little bit on the neck, but I’ll take that for a few minutes verses mosquito bites all over!! I can actually work outside and not be double layered in the sweltering heat and humidity of the summer and sweating my gonads off (the ones I don’t have). I also rub on my dogs to help them repel mosquitoes and ticks. Especially Cinder who is sold black! They swarm her.
Anyways .. If you’re interested..
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16041723

The Free Rangers

Wow!! What 2 weeks can do for the confidence level when you’re a chicken!! People told me to give them a month or so and they’d be used to their environment, me and their new coop. Tuesday passed was 2 weeks that I’ve had them.

I let them roam the inside of the penned area on their own for the last two weeks. It took almost a week for them to come and go freely from the inside of the coop to the penned in area. Being impatient, I forced it one day, outside they went. They all huddled in the corner like it was a time out session, so I scooped them up and put them in the coop. Clearly they needed to do it on their schedule, not mine.

A few days after that it was a step or two down the ramp, with a bit more progress each day. Once they were fully outside there wasn’t any stopping them! They love it!! If you’re late (7am is late for these guys) they plough you over when you open the door.

For the last week or so they’ve been curious at the pen door. Watching me in the garden and loving every worm or grub I bring them! Monday I said, well, let’s see what’s going to happen and I left the access door open. They explored beyond their pen immediately but with caution. By the end of the day they were pros in the backyard and knew the good spots to forage.

The days it’s going to rain, they will have to be penned because they can’t seem to put 2 and 2 together yet. They huddle in the corner and get drenched until coop mommy shows up and manually lifts them into the coop. Lol! This happened a few times on Sunday when it was pouring so they need to figure it out before I let them free range with rain in the forecast. They don’t have a ‘mom’ to show them these things .. But I can only teach so much in a torrential downpour!

Now, if I’m not mistaken every flock has one of ‘these’ girls and I’m here to add this sweet little one to the no-so-smart list. Lets just say she isn’t the brightest chick on the block, but she is definitely the sweetest girl I have. I’m going to diagnose her with severe ADD. Lol! She is forever losing her flock members or her one partner she sticks with. Once she realizes she is separated she pops her head up and starts with her calls of panic … And they seriously all just look at her, like really Miss Molly? Again? The first 10 calls she did, they all ran to her, to her rescue. After those ten false calls, they just sit and stare at her and even ignore her as they continue foraging. Apparently if you cry wolf too many times even chickens will ignore you!

Miss Molly will pace back and forth on the outside of the pen and not realize right there, seriously right there, is how you get in. I have to go and guide her. She will be foraging with her soul sister and see a mosquito and chase it. No matter how far it takes her. Yum! They are so good!! Then she will look around and panic because she’s on her own and she will start with her calls. She does this with mosquitos, butterflies, bees, dragon flies, flies, basically anything that flies…they all chase the flying bugs but somehow the others manage to stay together or get back to their preferred grouping.

As I type this with my morning tea she has lost herself and called 9-1-1 at least twice already. They aren’t showing her any mercy haha!

Chickens can actually run pretty fast! These guys also love to flap their wings and half run, half fly around the backyard as soon as you let them out. It’s like a big celebration of a new day. It makes me smile as I head back into the house to make my morning tea.

Even the babies are out free ranging the last four days. I fenced them in the first day and that was ok because it was a new adventure for them. They weren’t having anything to do with boundaries from the second day onwards. When I put the temporary fence up, they would just knocked it over trying to get out, they’d fly over it and even get tangled in it. I tried relentlessly for over an hour to contain them. Then the big girls flew in and I said that’s it, screw it!!! The temporary fencing went away and I said to the girls y’all can figure it out and walked back to my veggie garden. They’re is some pecking from the big girls to the little ones, but with them free ranging the little ones can escape quickly if they need to. So far no blood! Just laying down the rules.

They are still separated in the coop at night. Hopefully in the next week or so, I can remove the barrier and everyone can get along. A few more days, to a week, of free ranging together and hopefully they’ll have their pecking order sorted.

The new chickens that were being added this weekend, well weird as it is, I got told the deal couldn’t go down on Saturday because of family drama on a Tuesday. Instincts tell me it’s an ‘off’ situation and I hate drama. I have ordered 6, 6 week olds for September from the hatchery, and my ducklings will be here June 16th.

Ducklings are coming!!! Ducklings are coming!!! Woot woot!! Get ready to hear all about them too! I’m getting 4 Muscovy’s and 2 Pekins day olds.

I wish my youngest niece lived close or was coming for a visit. I know I’d have her full help with the ducklings and getting them for their first swim and teaching them to follow and explore etc., She could help me collect eggs (once egg laying starts) and she’s a stellar baker so I’m sure she’d put these eggs to good use!!

(The picture has my German Shepherd.  She is so good with these girls they don’t fear her at all.  There is one behind her you can see .. Cinder is a gentle giant)

WTF Websters!

Personally, I’ve never looked at Websters the same, ever since ‘Bootylicious’ became a part of our official language. I figured with the addition of Bootylicious, well, I hoped someone had an off day and that word added would be the worst of it. Boy! Was I clearly wrong. It has only gotten worse over the years.

Webster, so graciously, has announced their new word additions for the dictionary in 2015. When I think of words ‘officially’ added to our English dictionary, aka a reference for the snobbish English language along with clarification for its use and a definition of its meanings, I don’t expect to find WTF in there. Seriously, I really don’t. Hmmm, I’m feeling a bit sarcastic today.

Just a few of the words added this year are:

Jeggings – lets just visualize jeans and leggings had a baby. Pants that fit like leggings and look like jeans. Clearly not everyone is meant to wear jeggings….I’m on that banned list so I can say that without everyone signing up a petition to have my blog removed. Pfffft. Get over it!

WTF – what the fuck. Anyone not know that?

NSFW – not safe for work (new to me) (I’m debating on a door sign for my office)

Photobomb – a joke or prank in the frame of a photograph – photographer unaware.

Twerk – sexually suggestive dancing such as excessive hip thrusts, shaking of butt all while in a squat position. The reason why foam fingers/hands should no longer be for sale.

My mini rant.
Really Websters? That’s the best you have for 2015?? Shameful. People say N*gga all the time Webster, I double dare you!! Screw the weak like Twerk and WTF, be bold, add N*gga. If you’re going to make a blooming mess of the language, go all balls out I say!!  Apparently you have removed boundaries from the English language because you aren’t exercising any!!

So. This all translates to me, that when my son, a high school student, hands in his english paper or any written paper it can say WTF, Twerk and hopefully before he graduates he can even add N*gga!.

Of course his mother will back him with all the sarcastic justification I can drum up, because after all, it is in the all mighty(less) dictionary. I’ll be sure to advise him of his rights and all ensure he uses the Merriam Webster Dictionary as his reference source.

So, in an attempt to clean up the words being added to our official english language, I’ve chosen a few words that I may or may not use a lot. (You’ll understand when you see #3!)

1. Fantabulous – a combination of fabulous and fantastic. It’s just soooo good not one of those words is enough, we need both! Therefore we have fantabulous!

2. Defecanism – one word to describe a defective mechanism. This one’s compliments of Flyp.

And my personal favourite ….
3. Gunt – A cross between the words “gut” and “cunt”. Meant to describe the mass of flesh that hangs down over a females crotch area and upper thighs. Thank you urban dictionary for that definition (that I had to clean it up for everyone’s reading pleasure).

And my not so clean addition – I have an acronym I’d like added for the people who piss me and you off..

FU – also know as Fuck You. It’s always better received when followed by exclamation marks. The more the better.

Sometimes I like to personalize that acronym and it becomes FUA ‘fuck you asshole’, or FUM, ‘fuck you moron’ and as you can imagine the list goes on. If I’m real angry it can become FUMF. You’ll figure it out.

At this point in the game, I’m convinced someone is sitting in an overly large glass office, looking out from their sky scraper office laughing their ass off while they add all this BS (oh look at that Websters…another acronym) to our English language and how we just sit there and say oh ok, thanks for that new ones Websters.

What’s next? Really. Who knows. It’s anyone guess, much like it has been since Bootylicious became an official word. However, the day they decide to add ‘MILF’ as an appropriate acronym to the english language, will be the same day they see feminists redefine the dictionary!